What's on my mind?

Oh how I wish that the world could see you through my eyes!
Even just for a day. Because,
instead of broken, they'd see healed and polished,
Instead of quiet, they'd see thoughtful and collected
Instead of seeing you for your past and what you used to be, they'd see you for who you really are, underneath the surface. For who you're trying to become,
They wouldn't pay attention to all of the lies that have been told, they would listen to and seek for the truth about you,
They wouldn't spend their time examining the little puzzle piece, they would look at the beauty of the whole picture. How every flaw and imperfection fit into the puzzle too.
They wouldn't judge you the way they do now. And it kills me to think that they can't see you the way I do,
Because these are my eyes.
And by doing what they do, and judging the way they judge and thinking the way they think, they're missing out on something someone amazing.
Something Someone I fell in love with: The real you.

You.
You're always running through my my mind, stomping around, making noise, and giving me headaches,
Headaches because you're always on my mind,
And even when I think you're not, I'm still thinking about you not being there.
You always seem to find your way back through the back door of my mind,
But you don't stop there, because to you it's not enough to constantly be the focus of my brain activity,
You have to send your army of butterflies to remind me that I'm falling... fast and hard.
Maybe it's that look you have when you're smiling,
Maybe it's your laugh,
Maybe it's the way you say you're proud of me,
But... It just might be... the way you say good morning...
or the way you say goodnight,
Or the way that you hold me. Safe and protected.
Or maybe  it's the way you make me feel wanted. Needed. Loved.
Maybe it's the stop lights.
Or the way you listen to me talk on and on about nothing, and still give me that look,
The one that makes my heart pound.

You want to know what's on my mind?
Well here you go.

It's been you all along.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

You say you love us. And you say you love her. But all that seems to go out the window when one of us has a bad day. Because the only person that is allowed to have a bad day is you.

You say we don't respect you. But how can we respect you when you don't even treat our mom with respect? The respect she deserves. Because she's been through Hell and back. She's fallen over, and got back up. She's been pushed down and got back up. She's been told she isn't loved anymore by the person who was supposed to love her forever. And even then, she still somehow finds the strength to climb back up again. How? I don't know.

And then there's you. Shoving her over and shouting out daggers. And she gets back up. Over. And over. And over again. And somehow you still think that these empty apologies can fix it all. But apologies are supposed to mean change. A true change. Not this bullshit act that you put on. An act that you write and execute so precisely. But I'm tired of this never ending one act play that seems to go on forever.

Your empty promises always flow like music to the ears.

But actions have always spoken louder than words.

Adaptations

It's funny how adaptive a human can be. How once something creates a pattern, the human adapts.

At the end of winter, when the sun starts to shine, the human is so adapted to the days of depressing cold and wind, that it's hard for the human to comprehend the beauty of the sunshine.


Much like the human adapts, so does the heart.  Hearts adapt to the feeling of being broken. They adapt to people letting them down. And they toughen up and build up calluses. They. Adapt.

So when someone comes along with more of a potential to fix it, than break it, what does it do?
What does it do when someone comes along and treats it better than all of the heartbreaks?
What does it feel when that someone pulls it out of the darkness that's been holding it back and compels it to leave the broken and battered pieces behind, and move forward?
What happens when that someone starts patching up the holes?

When that someone makes the heart beat 3 times faster, does it realize that it's falling? Beating faster and faster every time they touch. Falling harder and harder every time their eyes meet.
Does it realize that every time their lips touch, the same three words run through its mind over and over again, until they can't be held in any longer? Until they have to be shared. They have to be free.

Because the words I Love You shouldn't be kept a secret.

Especially from that someone.