I ain't never scared...

I'm scared of snakes. Of being bitten by a snake. Of your words that can be just as hurtful and venomous.

I'm terrified of sharks. That's why I swim close to the shore and keep my knees tucked close to my body.

I'm afraid of scorpions. The ones that look harmless, are the most deadly.

I'm scared of getting too close for eye-contact. I like eye-contact. 

I'm afraid of dancing with people. I'm scared of dancing close to someone because it feels awkward. 

Awkwardness scares me.

I'm terrified of awkward silences. That's why I ramble. I ramble to fill the silence. Though I might not make sense, I ramble.

I'm scared of being insignificant.

I'm scared of the unknown. Of not knowing how something will affect my future. Of the fact that tomorrow never comes.

I'm scared of being left behind. Of being abandoned. Of someone caring about me, and then just dropping me flat. Why shouldn't they? You did. You did it to all of us.

If You Really Knew Me

If you really knew me, you would know that I wish I could live in a real home. A place where you can make it your own and not an apartment where you have to follow someone else's rules. A place that you can make your own rules and have all the pets you want. A place where you can paint the walls.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I have separation issues. You'd know that this is the reason why I get homesick. The reason why my parent's divorce was so hard one me. The reason why I cry over a missing pet. The reason why I don't do well with death.

 If you really knew me you would know I love Autumn. You'd know I love all of the colorful leaves, the sweater weather, the hot chocolate, and the days perfect enough to go to Gardner Village, and the beautiful drives up the canyon.

If you really knew me, you'd know how excited I am to one day be a mom. You'd know how much I love kids. You'd know how hard it is for me to put down a baby. You'd know how excited I am that I am finally an aunt.

 If you really knew me, you'd know how much I love food. You'd know that I love cheesecake, bacon, and goldfish, and cereal, and homemade bread, and homemade jams and jellies. You'd know that I love rain. And that one day I want to live in Oregon, where it rains all the time.

 If you really knew me, you'd know that I love sunny days with a cool breeze. Days that you can hear the fall wind blowing through the trees. Days like today. You'd know that I love the changing colors of the leaves. You'd know that I especially love aspen trees. Those trees that remind me of those family trips to the cabin during the Fall.

 If you really knew me, you would know how much I love nature. And those days that we went camping. And the other days that we went to Lake Powell. You'd know how much I love music.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I love to sit and think. Daydream. You'd know how much it calms me.

If you really knew me, you wouldn't judge me the way that you do now.